@CEB1993, as I've learned in the past, I'm much like you in the fact that I keep all of my stress bottled up. I won't
go into detail but, bottled up emotions have definitely gotten me into very serious, memorable trouble.

I suffer from anxiety mildly. Whenever I'm stressed to the point where I become impatient, I start to sweat. I feel like I'm isolated while I'm at school because I just feel like I don't have any friends, but I do. I am somewhat autistic, so those might be a few parts that go into play. My homework problem is really bad, too. I end up sitting in a chair working on homework for nearly four hours every day. I'm spending more time on homework than I really should be, given the fact that I'm only 14 years old. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not good enough. For example, I just feel like I know absolutely nothing about lighting compared to what you guys know. I just compare myself to others, thinking they're better than me. My biggest struggle is when my dad drinks. He drinks five 12-ounce cans of beer every day. Some nights, my mom and dad fight, and I try to not listen an hide away. They plan on separating legally sometime in June. I can't handle the stress that's being put on me.

@ LightsoftheWest, that's not good, and you have my sympathy. I was lucky in that I had a good childhood, my parents didn't drink and never fought to my knowledge, so I can only imagine what you're going through 

Take care and take comfort from your lights 

I suffer from anxiety mildly. Whenever I'm stressed to the point where I become impatient, I start to sweat. I feel like I'm isolated while I'm at school because I just feel like I don't have any friends, but I do. I am somewhat autistic, so those might be a few parts that go into play. My homework problem is really bad, too. I end up sitting in a chair working on homework for nearly four hours every day. I'm spending more time on homework than I really should be, given the fact that I'm only 14 years old. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not good enough. For example, I just feel like I know absolutely nothing about lighting compared to what you guys know. I just compare myself to others, thinking they're better than me. My biggest struggle is when my dad drinks. He drinks five 12-ounce cans of beer every day. Some nights, my mom and dad fight, and I try to not listen an hide away. They plan on separating legally sometime in June. I can't handle the stress that's being put on me.

Dude, you've been here for like 4 months, you don't need to be a lighting expert! I didn't know much when I first joined (in fact looking through my old posts & comments I was a complete idiot, unlike you), and I'm still learning new things all the time.

I completely get you on the thinking everyone is better than you though. I'm a few years older than you but I have felt that way for literally as long as I can remember (preschool probably) and it's still something I struggle with. I know that comparing yourself to others is never a good thing but I end up doing it anyways and it makes me feel awful. I also am slightly autistic and I'm pretty sure this is partially why I feel this way. (I heard someone say that having mild autism feels like everyone but you got an instruction manual to life and it's the truest thing I have ever heard.) I also always went to schools with a lot of middle class/rich kids whereas my own family was poor (and to a lesser extent still is but I'm trying to help as much as I can now) so that probably contributed quite a bit too.

 One bit of advice that's helped me that I can give you is to look at your interests and skills (you have some even if you don't know it yet) and find out more about them. After that, work at them so you get better and more skilled. Do you play any instruments or have any musical interest? I recently started learning to play piano and I seriously cannot say how much I enjoy it even though I'm by no means a pro yet. This doesn't have to be your case, just find something that requires effort to be good at, put it in to the best of your abilities, and when you finally accomplish something you can be proud of (even if it's something pretty basic) it will be the best feeling ever. There's tons of tutorial/beginner videos on just about every subject on Youtube that can teach you whatever you need to know, so that's where I'd start looking for guidance should you take this route. Again, I cannot stress just how much getting better at something will make you feel better about yourself. I realize this might not be an option for you right now based on what I read, but I just wanted to throw it out there should it help you in the future.

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation at home though. That's not something I ever went through and I already had enough other problems at that age. The fact that you're able to push through this alone (during the absolutely horrible past year no less) which it sounds like you've been doing is absolutely amazing. You are far stronger than you realize and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. When you get things sorted out in a few years you'll be able to look back and truly realize this. In the meantime, just know that no matter how bad things get, you're always free to come here and participate, ask questions no matter how stupid you think they are, and just enjoy the lighting hobby. Feel free to send me a PM if you want to talk about anything too!

Anyways, sorry about how long that was and maybe I shouldn't be giving motivational speeches, but I seriously want you to know that there's so much good out there (and here on LG) and even though things aren't going well for you right now, it won't be long before you discover that there's nothing wrong with the way you are. In fact the things you'll learn from having an interest in lighting will seriously help you in the future depending on the education and career you choose. You are making no mistake by asking questions and wanting to learn more. 

Social Anxiety: A major battle for me. It makes me feel anxious about talking to people in person instead of texting or emailing. I get extremely nervous about asking for favors at work, out and about, and even at home. I don't want to be construed as a "high maintenance" "demanding" and/or "whiny" person.

I was terrified about calling into work last September to take a day off for my birthday. I came close to taking a shot of whisky before making the phone call, at 8 a.m. in the morning  I took the day off and did not have any repercussions the following day. I severely overthink things and usually psyche myself out with many situations  I wish I was more assertive and could go into my work each day without thinking I'm going to get fired or be accused of something petty. One of my flaws is lack of assertiveness and fear of offending others.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD): Every day is a collection of rituals and unwanted thoughts. My OCD has influenced the way I do things all the time. This age of Covid-related anxiety has made me even more OCD than ever. I admit I'm severely germaphobic and I consider it a miracle that I haven't tested positive for Covid yet. I worry about being asymptomatic and passing it on to friends or family.

I wash my car often, dust the interior of my car frequently, shower at least twice a day, and have been known to turn around and walk out of stores that are just "too crowded." In reference to the aforementioned issues, I worry constantly about offending or inconveniencing others with requests, favors, or simply talking about not feeling well or having problems. I take OTC medicine for heartburn, allergies, insomnia, and chronic headaches. I'm not sure if I'm a hypochondriac, but I know for sure OCD disrupts my life big time.

@CEB1993, turning around and walking out of stores that are too crowded. Yup... that one right there definitely sounds like me.
Also, calling off from work... that also sounds like me, but mainly if I'm talking to my boss to leave work if I'm not feeling good,
or talking to my boss about vacation time. I don't know why this is.

I get anxiety / panic attacks at times. Almost guaranteed one if i have to go somewhere or do something that makes me perceive myself being trapped or have no control of the situation. Examples are sitting in dentist chairs, being out in public. Being away from home. Having to go out for supper especially at someones house.

The supper one hits hard for me because I wasn't raised to eat at a table at a certain time with others. We always just made our own food and ate whenever we wanted. Most of my eating is done alone in my room when I'm at the computer.

When I eat at someone elses place I still have manners and all that so no problem there but just i feel nervous around others and I absolutely must sit at the end of the table or ill feel trapped. I also dont have any entertainment to eat to. Because of this i insist on smaller servings.

Socializing and being around people is very difficult in of itself for me.

Being around people is also a big struggle for me. Whenever I get called on during school, I start to feel uncomfortable. Large crowds and law enforcement give me the most anxiety.

Being around people is also a big struggle for me. Whenever I get called on during school, I start to feel uncomfortable. Large crowds and law enforcement give me the most anxiety.

Why, what have you been up to..? 

Seriously, I too hate crowds, I suppose one advantage of the current situation is that we're unlikely to encounter them at the moment.

Why, what have you been up to..? 

I'm always afraid that I might get charged for a crime,  when I have done absolutely nothing wrong.

I'm always afraid th  t I might get charged for a crime,  when I have done absolutely nothing wrong.

That's what they all say 

No, it's not going to happen; I suppose if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time, like an area where gangs and drugs are commonplace and you resemble someone who's been up to no good, then it's possible, but I wouldn't go worrying too much about it.

A former tenant in our block was "known to police" as the saying goes. I believe years ago he'd been a drug user, but he'd been clean for many years before he moved here. Anyway, for one reason or another, the police often called, and we got to know the local officers so well they used to ring our doorbell as they knew we had a spare key for his flat