One of the biggest things that makes me laugh is my excoworker "Amber." I could write a book about all the crazy stuff this girl did and said and I would regularly laugh myself to tears when she was working with me. She got fired for obvious reasons two years ago, but she was a scream when she was here.
First of all, Amber was 32 years old and into 1990's cartoons like Ren and Stimpy. She would always put up passive aggressive signs with funny pictures or grotesque cartoon characters in our workspace. That's why I find passive aggressive signs so funny. Although I usually don't use obnoxious pictures in my signs. She had the maturity and attention span of an 8 year old.
She would use profanity all the time and in ways I had never heard. She had all sorts of endearing and eloquent ways of describing people and items in the office. For example, she called the nasty, smelly fridges in the break room the "petri dish of slime." She brought in Cards Against Humanity one day for us to play on a slow Friday afternoon.
She was a big time drama queen with a loser boyfriend who would leave her rude voicemails and criticize everything about her. In fact, this guy threw a taco at her because he was mad that it was cold after she kept in the fridge. It was like a live action comedy soap opera for me to hear what Amber had to say every day. I learned more about her lame relationship than I ever wanted to know
One day, one of the funniest moments of my whole life happened with Amber at Walmart. She said described her house as "a disgusting mess" and the guy she lived with as an "utter and complete slob who probably has blue cheese growing somewhere in the house." She needed an air freshener, so she sprayed everything in the aisle all while loudly expressing her opinion of the different scented sprays. I thought I was going to die laughing
Afterwards I heard that someone said she smelled like a French hooker.
She mistook Goo Gone for a countertop cleaner and sprayed her entire work area. I could smell it all the way down the hall and all of her tabletops were oily and smelly for hours.
She eventually got fired after repeated dress code violations (including taping a bra strap in place with duct tape) and cussing in front of someone who reported it to HR. Today, the memory of Amber (and her crazy posts of Facebook) still elicit generous laughter. Moral of the story, she is one of my biggest sources of laughter of all time!
