I’m having a really hard go of it lately. I got very depressed during Covid, and that’s when my hoarding started. I bought stuff I didn’t need and I can’t seem to let go of it.

I’ve lost all of my friends, they’ve all gotten married and have children and I never hear from them anymore. I haven’t seen or talked to any of them in two years now. I guess they finally managed to get rid of me.

If I want to go anywhere I have to do it myself. Therefore I never really get to go on trips or vacations. I had a good few years in college but that was pretty much the peak of my life.

I’ve realized at this point I’m never getting married or having children, there are no more milestones to come.

I had high hopes that I’d be able to save and buy a home someday, but the real estate market had other plans. I’ve been saving for over 10 years, but prices and now interest rates have doubled in the span of 4 years and insurance now is too, so I’ll never be able to own. If I wasn’t going to have a family, I just wanted a home to put up some ceiling fans in and hopefully a yard to put some  in and maybe. Garage to work on projects in, but even that is not going to happen.

If I’m not going to have a house I need to get rid of my lighting and fan collection and I’m just overwhelmed as to what to do with it all.

I don’t have any siblings and none of the rest of the family really has anything to do with us much. All of my grandparents are gone now except one grandmother. My parents are approaching 70 and aren’t doing very great. I live with them and I’m not sure what’s going to happen to them or where I’m going to end up. I worry something will happen to them and I won’t be able to care for them.

I’m just really having a hard time keeping up hope, everyone around me is extremely negative. I used to be a happy positive, and maybe a bit too much of a “head in the clouds” type person but something changed and now I’m not.

I’m getting to where I’m just sick of getting up and going to work everyday when it’s the same sad evening when I get home and nothing to do on the weekend. I have an ok job but it doesn’t pay enough for my own home, etc.

All I ever do on the weekends is go to thrift stores and flea markets and I’m tired of it. I don’t know what else to do. I’m just too old to make new in person friends, and most people my age have kids and spouses and only want to hang out with similar people. And I live in a small town and nobody wants anything to do with you unless you come from a popular or “big name” family and have lots of money.

I wish I had friends and got to go on trips and vacations like my old friends do. And I wish my parents were still healthy.

Anyway, maybe TMI but I just had to vent a bit. 🙁

I'm sorry to learn that you're going through a tough time at the moment. You seem stuck in some kind or a rut. You lack the get-up-and-go that you once had. It's as if you feel let down by your surroundings.

Not sure what field of work you do, but some employers offer support services, such as counselling. If you're in a union, usually the union offers those services. Just a note that the employer itself does not offer the service, rather they contract it out to a mental health company so they can keep their distance for confidentiality purposes. If your employer does not offer such services, there are counsellors out there to whom you could reach out. Would this be an avenue worth exploring ?

This is about the most I am willing to discuss publicly in a forum, however you're more than welcome to send me a private message should you feel the need. Hope this helps.

I'm not too far from you Cole. We could hang out sometime. It would require just a little planning since it's still a 1.5 hours or so drive. I have wondered over the years why we don't. Since we're not that far apart distance.

Sometimes it really helps to go out to nature and do some walks/trips in a great scenery. It sure helps to reset your mind. I don't know if you area has some big mountains/lakes/ocean shore etc, but you may trip a bit especially if you are sound financially. Truth is that is best done with friends, BUT this is optional and absolutely OK alone too. Having some sporting hobby like ski/snowboarding in the winter and may be bike/motorbike in the summer, whatever you like, is a plus and gives a lot of motivation. Or just browsing a city/area new for you with a camera.

As for covid boredom you can think of it like like we all were f. by a corrupt health system and so called 'science' and so get over it with laugh... Yep I was too... ( No trust next time for sure. They had ozone holes, they have 'global warming' now. Keep being skeptical...

You  may feel the pressure to get married and children, but in fact it is truly a personal choice and no one other shall poke his nose. Growing children today is a very hard enterprise financially that can drive into poverty with ease...

Older relatives often use constant mentioning of their own death/illness as a manipulation to suck ALL the life from you. That is a very popular mode of behavior unfortunately. Think of it that way and keep staying at some distance!

This actually really saddened me to read. I don't really know what to suggest other than spend some time away from the house, go out for days out, seaside if you are near one, museums, shops, if you like them.

Sadly as we grow our non lighting friends do seem to start to part ways. I remember between me leaving school in 2005 and joining here in 2011 i did not know this site or community existed  and i had quite a bunch of friends i would speak to / meet / go out places with on a daily basis, but nowadays i am lucky if i get even a like or comment out of nearly all of them once a year at most. There was one friend i got so close to her we ended up together, which lasted well and when we parted we parted well and spoke for many years after , she was one of my best friends but in the last 6 years i have not seen her, i heard off her at Christmas just gone but before that i had not heard off her in over 2 years. And now i am lucky if i even speak to her, get a like or comment off her on facebook, same with a mate that  lives in the next village to me, i hung around with him at school almost permanent, from joining facebook in 2010 i heard off him daily for around 10/11 years but now we never say a word tp each other, we have not fallen out,  or anything like that, i just put it down as growing apart and life gotten in the way. I do have some new non lighting friends, not many but enough to keep me going. And i have quite a number of lighting friends too although most live far away but i speak to them daily or every few days. Some weekly or monthly.  And we meet up for lighting meets once or twice a month outside of the main 2 6 monthly cornwall or kidderminster meets

So sadly the older non lighting friends life seems to get in the way for them they have kids, get a job they love or hate, stresses get in the way, happiness, family etc and eventually like you say friendship with them grows apart from the point where you speak to them daily, then most of the time, then some times, then occasionally, then maybe at just birthdays, christmas then eventually not even those and you never hear off them.

You mention hoarding, you may not to wish to answer this but is it mild or heavy hoarding? Having a lot of stuff can get you down also, making you feel claustrophobic, trapped and alone. Do you feel this way? If you do, think of stuff that you can part with that you don’t use or need and do it over time, and at your pace.

They had ozone holes, they have 'global warming' now. Keep being skeptical...

Are you aware that the hole in the ozone layer has been restored, exactly because we have dramatically reduced our emissions of CFCs in spray bottles and refrigeration systems? The ozone hole is no issue anymore *because* people in the 80s, 90s and 2000s did things to solve that issue.

It didn't just happen by itself. It was created by humans, and it was solved by removing the human factors that lead to it creation. Had the people in the 80s not started working on it, then we still had major issues with it.

Same with sulphurous emissions of coal plants. Remember the big fog in London in the 50s where thousands died? Such issues have been solved by retrofitting coal plants with giant filters. Acid rain was a huge issue in the 90s but we rarely hear about it now. That's not because it never existed, but because of the measures that have been taken to reduce it, such as again improving coal fired plant emissions and all cars having a catalytic converter and better mixture control to reduce NOx emissions.

We don't hear about Hatter's Disease anymore. That's not because it never existed or never was a problem, but because today's ways of handling mercury are much safer (and hatters probably don't use mercury anymore).

We don't see people dieing of AIDS much anymore. That's not because it's not a life threathening disease, but because we have pre-exposure profylaxis meaning you can't get infected if you are on that regime, and because if you are infected, we have great medication. And so the list goes on and on and on. Skepticism is good, putting your head in the sand isn't.

It’s never good to feel like that, but one thing I find uplifting is gaming?
I’m wondering if you’re a gamer?, I’m not really a social person myself, so the loss of friends is irrelevant to me, (I know that may sound a little harsh?), I’m only still in touch with just one of my old school friends, but we both do our own thing today?
As for covid?, covid for me was just a 9 week, government paid Xbox holiday! 🤨
I can understand your home predicament though, the housing market here is exactly the same bin fire as in the US!
But things always get better so they say?

Are you aware that the hole in the ozone layer has been restored, exactly because we have dramatically reduced our emissions of CFCs in spray bottles and refrigeration systems? The ozone hole is no issue anymore *because* people in the 80s, 90s and 2000s did things to solve that issue.

It didn't just happen by itself. It was created by humans, and it was solved by removing the human factors that lead to it creation. Had the people in the 80s not started working on it, then we still had major issues with it.

Well, Laurens. Ozone hole was healed. By a coordinated international effort. How nice! Our little green planet is saved! Millions of people spared from skin cancer! Tears fills my eyes. A wave of renewed trust in humanity goodwill thaws my cold heart ... But... But... Lets look at hard data... Hard data honestly presented and plot in scale. Do you trust American NOAA? NOAA is sure serious, right? Let's look up NOAA data on CFC concentrations in atmosphere. They measure it. https://gml.noaa.gov/hats/graphs/graphs.html

So? WHAT? Ozone hole has healed, but atmosphere levels of CFCs have not dropped any significantly yet??? How can that be??

So it really was not that poor little R-12 molecules? Still a lot of R-12 around, but atmosphere now thrives? Ozone hole does not actually depend on CFC levels, but on something else or what happens? Natural oscillations? Solar activity? Some unknown cosmic factors?

How interesting, right?  But refrigerant makers already made billions on replacements. May be trillions. Out of our pockets... Many good old working equipment was trashed. There was once a nice R-113 liquid, a good electrical insulator. A major enemy of our little planet. Was used in Tektronix high-voltage probes, nice and precise. Now useless because the lack of replacement.

Still trust in 'science' ?

I wish I could offer suggestions, but 1) Everyone is different 2) I think you are not looking for advice in your post. I had a similar experience since 2009, but I will never say that it is the same because I hate it when people do that to me. I will say that the rut you are in is hard to recover from and I have doubts that I will ever get back to my old self and after being stuck for over a decade. The rut was caused by hopes and dreams dying, but after they eventually become attainable it did not fix my problems. My current therapist sees progress, and I am now starting to find joy again, so maybe. It is a rough road and I hope you find a way out of it. Just want to let you know that sympathize with you and how hard things are for you right now.

Hang in there Cole...life can be difficult at times. I can relate to what you're going through, and if I didn't live on the opposite end of the country, I'd say lets get together.
I ended up living with my folks after school too, and I also didn't get the career I wanted. I married later than average, and most of my friends moved on too. My best friend from my adolescent/young adult years decided to de-friend me after I wouldn't date his sister  , and another decided that he wanted to take advantage of my generosity...unfortunately, I had to de-friend him. 
If it makes you feel any better, life is messed up in some way for all of us, and we have to wade through the swamp of life...sometimes it can be very cold and lonely.

Keep your chin up!

"My best friend from my adolescent/young adult years decided to de-friend me after I wouldn't date his sister " - definitely an interesting twist of life

Certainly that happens much more often in reverse...

I appreciate all the replies. I just feel like there no hope for me. I’m worn out, tired of fighting depression and just lethargic.

Work is wearing me out. I’m just tired of working and doing overtime, etc, etc and just feel like I’m not getting anywhere.

I’m not getting married and I’m really worried I’ll never be able to afford a home. And it’s really just so frustrating. 12 years of working and still can’t own property because prices doubled in 4 years. Now taxes and insurance are doubling every few years… it’s impossible.

I look at all my firmer friends who have healthy families, good social skills, extremely confident, married with healthy kids, healthy parents, own multiple very nice properties that appreciated enormously during Covid. I’m happy for them, I’m trying to be anyway, but I think jealousy and greed are getting to me.

I was born into a poor, alcoholic family, barely ever socialized except for what little bit I got during college. Now my parents are old and not doing well. I’m an anxious wreck and just a loser. I’m a failure. I can’t believe I’ve wasted 12 years trying to own a home, the only thing I could possibly have left to look forward to, and even just that one hope I had left is turning out to be not a possibility either.

I haven’t socialized in two years. Nobody ever even things of me, check on me, nothing. Nobody cares or wants anything to do with me. I really don’t know what happened or where I were went wrong. I guess it’s because I’m not rich and popular. 🫤

I understand what you're saying about not finding relationships. It gets harder when you get older and now we got these people who only want to date a millionaire with a chiseled jaw which further stains the ability to find relationships. If you know what I mean.
Concerning home prices, some states are actually cheaper to build in rather than rent/buy. At least from what I've heard.

Yes and at my age the social situations are just few and far between, and they expect you to have kids and a marriage, or it  feels like I just don’t fit in with most.

The cost of building is crazy these days, material and labor costs really shot up during Covid. It’s probably easily around $200 a square foot now, and then you have to buy the land and utilities and permits on top of that.

That sucks what you are going through. I’m single, working my ass off at an overnight freight job that always keeps me tired, still don’t own a house. You know how the housing is here in California. I know you’re in Florida. I’ve visited Florida many times, I have a grandpa who lives there. I remember when Florida was cheap. Now it’s getting so expensive. Part of that is because of people coming from California and New York, as they can now work from home thanks to covid so they zeroed into the opportunity to buy cheaper housing elsewhere.

Socially, I was alone a lot. For many years I thought I was quiet, an introvert yet at the same time I felt so bored and lonely. Recently turned out I’m an extrovert held back by anxiety. I am deaf myself and there are various deaf social events around me at coffee and pizza places. People of all ages gather and socialize and have fun. Oh boy I have so much fun there! I’m at a point that I am finally breaking the ice and have a comfortable identity of who I am in this world. I know nothing about social opportunities in Florida but my impression is that younger people don’t seem that friendly yet the large retirement community is very social and tight knit. So I can’t be of much help on the social aspects.

Your posts of what’s going on have touched me, it really sucks that it’s the hell you’re going through right now.